A Letter to GOD. Reflecting on 2019.

When I started this blog, I wanted to be brutally honest with myself. I kind of derailed from that but in the spirit of New Years and personal development, I’m bringing that back. With a new format of blogging which I like to call, LETTERS TO GOD. Self reflecting on the fails, accomplishments, and achievements no matter how big or small. This will be a prayer to the big man himself. So let’s be humble and speak some truth. Check out the Developing Self Podcast on Spotify and Developing Self on Apple Podcast. Do you love sunglasses but can’t afford breaking and buying new ones? Then click the link below. Knockaround, the original, affordable sunglasses company. 20% off first order, Free shipping on orders over $50, Free returns.

Dear God,

Thank you for all the amazing and wonderful things you provided to me and my family this last year. The year started out difficult, excruciatingly difficult and depressing. I did not have a job, but luckily my car allowed me to drive for Lyft, and door dash. This way I was able to make a bit of cash. I was constantly broke and worried about my car breaking down on me, cause then I would really be screwed. November of 2019 was a turning point for me as I dropped out of school for the second time. No purpose, no passion, out of shape physically and mentally without direction or goal in life; All the while, I was constantly thrown left, right, up and down by my Bipolar. Thankfully, I had my loving, supportive wife by my side rooting me on and never stopped believing in me even when I did. I thought about being a police officer, a fire fighter, a dispatcher, telecommunications, a truck driver, and numerous other roles that I’ve come to forget. At some point I ended up working at a rail road company unloading brand new vehicles of the train. It was straining, dangerous, and soul crashing; Yet I tried my best to be humble until I couldn’t any longer. Do you remember when I cried out to you in tear drenched prayers? Over and and over again in my own fortress of solitude (AKA my 4 hatchback Scion) I cried out and prayed to you. “Lord, my savior, I’m lost and have been lost for so long, please open up a door for me, help me find my path and meaning in life, please God give me some clarity.”

Over the years my scion has become my “prayer closet,” my private one on one meetings with you, and by your loving grace, you heard my prayers and delivered in ways I never thought possible. One day I got a call out of the blue from a company I had no idea existed, I didn’t even apply to the company, they found me on Indeed. It was the happiest day of the year for me, little did I know you still had some surprises in store for me. April 1st 2019, I had a career, pays little to nothing but it’s stable with plenty of hours to make up for the low hourly, and it helps the pay the bills, and keep food in our bellies. My first ever career that I actually enjoy and can see myself staying at for the time being. It’s a fun and active job where I get to help people with Audio Visual Equipment, close enough to what I got use to working with on film sets at school. I have medical, dental, vision, a 401k and life insurance with my wife as a dependent and beneficiary. Lord you gave me clarity and helped me realize I was wasting my time making meaningless and unsatisfying YouTube videos about TV shows. A passion I wasn’t committed to nor consistent at.

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In my heart I wanted to help people, I wanted to find a community of broken individuals suffering from mental illness just like me, a community of people that attempted to commit suicide just like I once did. I wanted to become a pat of such a community to share my thoughts, feelings, story, and reach out to people for guidance and advice. Again I prayed and cried out to you, over and over again in my fortress of solitude; For days, weeks, and months. Then I started noticing the people, the music, and podcasts you were bringing close to me. Little by little I started picking up on the things they were saying, weather directly or indirectly to me. Then I realized you were speaking to me and I tried to listen. Now I have a blog on WordPress with 450+ views. Using Buzzsprout I started a podcast, the Developing Self Podcast on spotify and Developing Self on Apple Podcast. My podcast has 5 episodes so far with over 60+ plays. It’s only been a couple of months since I started, and It’s only recent that you blessed me with this clarity, passions and direction. Finances are still hard, but things are way better than ever before. Oh yeah I almost forgot to tell you, I’m in much better shape physically and mentally.

Thank you

Ibra

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Recommendations for music and podcasts.

Music: Jaymes Young, Amber Run, Banners

Podcasts: Ken Coleman Show, Radical Empathy, Rise Podcast and most recently Straight up with Trent Shelton

3 thoughts on “A Letter to GOD. Reflecting on 2019.

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