“YOU GOT NOTHING TO SAY! YOUR WORDS ARE SHIT! THEY’LL THINK YOU’RE A DUMB DUMB! “Ibby’s Paranoia
written but not dictated.
A lot of times I find it hard to express my opinions, my thoughts. Mostly due to the fact that my mind can never decided on what the fuck it wants to do. Right now I have this amazing idea for my next YouTube video and I want to do make it so badly, in fact I will make it eventually. The problem is what I keep telling myself, or rather what my bipolar keeps telling me.
“YOU GOT NOTHING TO SAY! YOUR WORDS ARE SHIT! NO ONE WILL LIKE THAT VIDEO, IN FACT EVERYONE WILL HATE IT, AND THEY’LL THINK YOU’RE A DUMB DUMB!“
I don’t like to brag, but… I was the graduating valedictorian for my class. So, I know I’m not a dumb dumb, I’m actually a big ass NERD and I’m proud of it. Everyone has or continues to compliment me on my intellect from time to time depending on the situation and how much of jack ass I wanna be. My brain knows that people have and do value my worth, but why don’t I? Maybe I’m just empty inside, If so is anything I feel, real?
Negative thinking can mask itself as positivity. That positivity alters it’s appearance in the form of patience. It has been almost if not more than three months since I last posted a you tube video. I remember back then, I told myself I’ll post in a week, one week passes. I tell myself again, oh you just weren’t ready and you’re waiting for the right moment to get all those sweet sweet views. Now here I am, still telling myself, I’ll post in a week.
Living with bipolar is very difficult, not just for me but for everyone else, weather they know it or not. At least that’s what my thoughts are screaming at me.